Three Things About Intimidating People
Everybody's Got One
First off, this is not a how-to article. I’m not here to teach you how to grind someone into submission. Sorry to disappoint you.
Recently, a person I work with shared a fantastic idea they had to make a significant improvement to our platform. Like, major. It was a brilliant concept, something only a person with crazy amounts of experience, technical ability, and business sense could come up with. This is why I love working with this person.
Almost before they even had the idea out of their mouths I said, “You’re going to need exec sponsorship for this. A change to the platform, a new deliverable, and possibly a new stream — or streams — of revenue. You’ll need leadership from multiple teams to get behind this. The only way to do it is to have it be voiced top-down as a priority. You need executive sponsorship.”
“Call [Senior Exec X] and get some help. They will love this idea,” I said.
The answer I got shocked me: “Oh, I don’t want to do that. [Senior Exec X] intimidates me,” said the experienced, technical, and brilliant person.
What a crazy situation. This person with nearly thirty years’ experience, widely considered to be a global expert in their domain, a leader of teams and projects — this person was intimidated?
But, hey, we've all been there, right? I guess we’ve all been there. So, what is it about intimidation?
At its core, intimidation is fear. Fear of another person, to be exact. We are scared of what that person could possibly do to us. Embarrassment, shame, punishment, ostracization, pushing us off a cliff into a pit of burning hell, etc., etc. The mind careens off a cliff into the fathomless canyon of catastrophizing.
And here are three things about that:
First, if you are feeling intimidated, take a step back. Much of your fear is unfounded. Maybe all of it is unfounded. Don’t forget why you are here. You work with integrity and intensity. If that’s not enough for someone, that’s their problem. And, as a matter of fact, much of intimidating behavior says more about the intimidating person than it does about you. Most intimidating people are themselves being intimidated – pass along the pain, classic behavior. Oh, the humanity!
Second, if the intimidating person is you, take two steps back and do some serious re-evaluation. Is this what you want to be remembered for? Ask yourself if there’s a better way to get things done. Also, ask yourself if you’re doing it for reasons other than trying to get things done. Maybe it turns out you’re passing along to others the pressure you’re putting on yourself. No bueno. No one needs that.
Third, intimidation can never turn into bullying. A little tension in the workplace is not a bad thing. Without a sense of urgency, without feeling like something is at stake, we lose a good percentage of our motivation. But, if someone is crossing the line, it needs to stop. I don’t care what level it’s at, from the boardroom to the mailroom, even one person being bullied hurts us all. If you see something, say something.
The person I work with did eventually have that conversation with the senior exec. Turned out great. The exec was thrilled to have someone bring an idea rather than a problem, and now they have something to share with their boss. The takeaway here is even when you’re scared, you gotta try anyhow.
Reminds me of a Babe Ruth quote: "Never let the fear of striking out get in your way."
